Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
