sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
