I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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