Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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