please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
