walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
