Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
