I should be sponsored by Trojan
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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