Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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