i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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