Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
