she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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