Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
