I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
