I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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