so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
