Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
