6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
