You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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