What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
