Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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