i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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