Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
