Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
