i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
