I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
