I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
