There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
