Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize