Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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