I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
