how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
