how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
