i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize