I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
