there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
