I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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