Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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