the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
