I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
