Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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