I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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