my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
