Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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