Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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