got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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