I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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