we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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