At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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