Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
