my shit smells like andre
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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