Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
