I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I heard we made out
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
