All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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