if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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