guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
