oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
