his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
