the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
