his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
pray to the hookup gods
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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