I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
