You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
