Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
