He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
