I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
