Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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