We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Those nachos came to me in a dream
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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