we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
