I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize