I intend to get homeless drunk
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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