Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
